soul–search·ing 
/ˈsoʊlˌsɚtʃɪŋ/ noun
/ˈsoʊlˌsɚtʃɪŋ/ noun [noncount] : the activity of thinking seriously about your feelings and beliefs in order to make a decision or to understand the reasons for your own behavior
▪ I decided to take the job after a lot of soul-searching.
▪ I decided to take the job after a lot of soul-searching.
